Navigating the Muddy Waters: Before You Back Away, Talk to Your Mentor
Recently, one of my mentees decided to step away from an opportunity she had previously agreed to. She expressed her appreciation for the opportunity but said she thought it was best that she back out. She didn't share what had changed, and my first thought as her mentor wasn't to convince her to change her mind. My first thought was, "What's changed?"
That question is important because sometimes things really do change. Life happens, business priorities shift, family responsibilities come up, or an opportunity that seemed right a few weeks ago simply doesn't fit anymore. There are times when saying no or stepping away is exactly the right decision.
But there are also times when the opportunity hasn't changed. We have.
But there are also times when the opportunity hasn't changed. We have.
Is It the Wrong Opportunity or Are You Uncomfortable?
Have you ever been excited about an opportunity when you first said yes, but as it got closer you started questioning yourself? Maybe you wondered if you were prepared enough, experienced enough, or really ready to put yourself out there. What once sounded exciting can suddenly feel pretty uncomfortable when it's time to actually do it.
That's when I think it's worth asking yourself another question: Is this really the wrong opportunity for me, or have I reached the uncomfortable part of growing?
There is a difference, and when you're standing in the middle of the situation, it isn't always easy to see. This is one of those times when having a mentor can be especially valuable. Your mentor can help you look at what's happening from a different perspective without making the decision for you.
Navigating the Muddy Waters
I told my mentee I would like to explore what had changed and how she might consider "navigating the muddy waters," so to speak. When we're in the middle of something difficult, we don't always see all the choices available to us. Sometimes we become so focused on getting out of the uncomfortable situation that walking away feels like the only option.
But what if there is a bridge? (There's always a bridge.)
Maybe you need more time to prepare. Maybe you need someone to practice with, more information, a new resource, or a connection to someone who has done this before. Maybe the big scary thing needs to be broken down into a few smaller, much more manageable steps.
And yes, after talking it through, you may still decide that stepping away is the best decision. The difference is that now you are making an intentional decision instead of allowing fear, uncertainty, or a difficult moment to make it for you.
This Is the Stuff I Want You to Bring to Mentoring
Sometimes mentees think they need to come to me with their thoughts organized, their homework completed, and a list of business questions ready to go. Those things are important, but I also want you to bring me the messy stuff. Tell me when something isn't working, when you don't know what to do next, or when you are thinking about walking away from something you previously wanted.
Those conversations can tell us a lot about where you are in your entrepreneurial journey. Are you pulling back every time you have to become more visible? Do you hesitate when money is involved, when you're asked to speak, or when an opportunity takes you into unfamiliar territory? If we keep track of those moments, we may begin to see a pattern that we can work on together.
That's part of mentoring too.
This Is When We Need to Talk
Mentoring isn't just about business plans, marketing, customers, networking, financial projections and goals. It's also about what happens between those milestones, when you're uncertain about yourself or wondering whether you're making the right decision. Those can be some of the most valuable mentoring conversations we have.
If you are part of the Women Entrepreneur Excellence mentoring program, when things get muddy, that's actually when I especially want you to reach out. Your mentor can't help you navigate something we don't know you're struggling with. You don't need to have the answer before you call; figuring out the answer can be part of the conversation.
So, before you back away from the next opportunity, send your mentor a message and say, "Can we talk this through?"
We'll start with one simple question: What's changed?
Maybe you'll decide to walk away, and maybe that's exactly the right choice. Or maybe, through that conversation, you'll discover a bridge you couldn't see from where you were standing.
A Thought From Your Mentor
Think about something you're hesitating about right now. Is the opportunity really wrong for you, or has it simply taken you somewhere uncomfortable? Before you make your decision, talk about it with your mentor. Allow yourself to look at the situation from another perspective before deciding what comes next.
Sometimes one conversation can change what happens next.
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Stay healthy. Stay connected. Stay you.
Your mentor,
Cindy Cohen RN, BS BA
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